Monday, May 3, 2010
Nervous and a Bit Ashamed
I have 2 weeks and 1 day before I am down in FL and seeing my family, I am so excited....for the most part. There is this one little part of me that is very nervous and a bit ashamed. I am nervous because I have lost 38 lbs (and hopefully more in the next 2 weeks) but I don't think anyone will notice. My dad says he can tell, but he's my dad. I don't think he would lie to me, however I think he wants to make me feel good. I can't tell visually, but I can tell in my clothes and rings. I am a bit ashamed because I think I have let people down. I know that sounds crazy, but it's how I feel. I can't change that. I am ashamed that I have not lost more than I have. Why is it so hard for me to be happy with where I am? Slow and steady is better, right? I am in NO WAY disappointed with the surgery or my decision and I don't want ya'll to think I am being stupid about this, but I can't help compare myself to other people. I know I shouldn't and I really try hard not to, but sometimes I can't help it. I know that 38 lbs is nothing to sneeze at, I know my organs are getting healthier, I know that it's all good. I am seeing friends and actually an old boss who knows I have had the surgery and I am just afraid they are going to not see any difference. It's really hard right now because I can't exercise, but in the next 2 weeks I am going to drink so much water and eat so good. I am going to try and lose at least 10 lbs before FL.....wish me luck!