Monday, May 3, 2010
Nervous and a Bit Ashamed
I have 2 weeks and 1 day before I am down in FL and seeing my family, I am so excited....for the most part. There is this one little part of me that is very nervous and a bit ashamed. I am nervous because I have lost 38 lbs (and hopefully more in the next 2 weeks) but I don't think anyone will notice. My dad says he can tell, but he's my dad. I don't think he would lie to me, however I think he wants to make me feel good. I can't tell visually, but I can tell in my clothes and rings. I am a bit ashamed because I think I have let people down. I know that sounds crazy, but it's how I feel. I can't change that. I am ashamed that I have not lost more than I have. Why is it so hard for me to be happy with where I am? Slow and steady is better, right? I am in NO WAY disappointed with the surgery or my decision and I don't want ya'll to think I am being stupid about this, but I can't help compare myself to other people. I know I shouldn't and I really try hard not to, but sometimes I can't help it. I know that 38 lbs is nothing to sneeze at, I know my organs are getting healthier, I know that it's all good. I am seeing friends and actually an old boss who knows I have had the surgery and I am just afraid they are going to not see any difference. It's really hard right now because I can't exercise, but in the next 2 weeks I am going to drink so much water and eat so good. I am going to try and lose at least 10 lbs before FL.....wish me luck!
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awww.... I think we all have these insecurities - but just keep reminding yourself that 38 pounds is awesome!!!!
ReplyDeleteI know for a fact when I look at my weight loss that I need to consider not only how much weight I've lost - but how much I would have gained by now if I hadn't had the surgery.
You are doing great!
Oh Kim - why can't you see what I (we) see? I see beauty, strength, perserverance, and a spirit like none other. No shame. No disappointment. 38 lbs is my daughter - a little person and it's not only gone - but it's gone forever. That my dear is nothing to be ashamed about. If no one sees it - does it mean it's not gone? Nope - you and all of us in blogland know the work you've put in. YOU see it and for just this one time in your life I wish you could see that right now - YOU are the only one that matters in this journey. It is yours - and you are rocking it!
ReplyDeleteoh yeah - and it's hard to notice on ourselves because we see ourselves everyday - your friends and family haven't seen you for a while so it will be more noticeable :-)
ReplyDelete38 lbs is awesome!! We will definitely have to meet up once you are here in Florida, since you will be close by...Don't feel like you are letting anyone down because you are doing good!!
ReplyDeleteAround 40lbs is where people started noticing for me (which, at the time, was disheartening because I felt like hold CRAP 40lbs is a LOT and wow I must be super fat because if a regular fatty lost 40lbs people would be all WOW look at YOU!! But I digress...)
ReplyDeleteIf nobody notices, then they're being polite and just not saying anything. At 40lbs, you can totally tell!
Kim I know how you feel. You have nothing to be ashamed of! You should be super proud and tell everyone! 38 lbs. is amazing and gone forever. It's good that you are prepared for them not to notice. If they don't I'm sure it's not because they don't love you or think you look great..it's just that maybe they won't be looking as hard as you look at yourself. It's all we (as bandsters) think about (our own weight) but the others will just be happy to *see* you.
ReplyDeleteI saw family this weekend and NO ONE said one thing about my weight and I've lost 80 lbs. I was happy not to be noticed since maybe that means they don't remember me being as large as I was. A girl can hope right???!!
Love ya girl!
You look great!
38 lbs. is a great accomplishment! You are doing a fantastic job.
ReplyDeleteTake your measurements and you will see how different the 38 pounds make. And stop worrying about what others say or don't say. You are on a journey, not a race. Don't let them make you feel like you aren't doing well because we think you are. I feel like the slow-poke myself but I know I didn't gain this weight overnight so will have to be happy with it slow. And it is going down, not up.
ReplyDeleteHi Kim, I just found you on Kristen's blog. So cool you are going to Chicago!
ReplyDeleteYou have done great! I am super slow losing right now...actually, for the past several months. But its true, the 40 pound mark (and you are virtually there) is where people start to notice. Slow and steady!
38lbs is fantastic, even if it's at a slow pace - it is gone now, and it's not coming back and isn't that a great feeling? Try picking up something that weighs 38lbs and carry it round for a while!
ReplyDeleteCompared to lots of other bandsters I also feel like my weight loss has been slow (so far) - 27lbs in 3.5 months; but I only have to pick up my little boy (who weighs about 28lb) to know just how much less I weigh than I did, and to feel grateful that I am no longer carrying that weight around 24/7!