Thursday, October 21, 2010

Feeling Funky

I am in a funk.  I hate that it seems like all I ever do is complain on this blog, but I am just getting my feelings out.  There are things going on right now that I should be hopeful and happy about, but I just can't.  I feel depressed.  I hate feeling this way.  All I want to do is cry. 

Things with Joe are the same and I hate that.  I want to move on but I feel like I can't.  Everyone tells me that I have a choice to feel this way or not feel this way.  It is so much harder that just turning a switch on and off.  Why can't people understand that I don't like feeling like this?  I don't want to cry all the time, I don't want to feel like staying in bed all day.  If I had control of my depression I would choose not to feel this way, but I don't.  I can't control the tears or the pain.

I am dealing with feelings about some friends back home.  I wish I had the same relationship I had with them 10 years ago.  I know people change and that relationships change, I get that.  I guess I just knew where we stood with each other.  If they don't want to be friends anymore, just let me know so I don't keep putting effort into the relationship.

Please know that I am writing this blog to get my feelings out there and to vent.  Sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk too.  I hate to be so cheesy, but sometimes I truly do feel alone in a crowded room.  I say this because I don't want you to think I want sympathy from anyone.  I am just typing what I feel. 

Oh yea, I lost a follower today. Oh well there loss. 

On a positive note, I went on an interview this morning and I think it went really, really well.  Keep your fingers crossed I get this job!!


  1. fingers and toes are crossed in Washington Kim! Hope things start looking up very soon :)

  2. I'm sorry that you're hurting. Here is a perfect place to express your feelings.
    Job news about your interview, will think positive thoughts for you!

  3. I'm glad you are sharing those feelings, we WANT you to share them and get them out. Never apologize or feel bad. THIS is your place and we come here to read ALL ABOUT Kim!
    All I can say on the J situation is that each day is going to get better. A little bit better. You have every right to be sad and angry and hurt. You were married for a reason, you loved him. Even when things go bad you don't just flip a switch and stop loving a person. (Well, men do sometimes - women don't! lol)
    I have my fingers crossed for you.

  4. :( So sorry!!!! I hate that you are having these feelings, but I love that you share them with everyone! Take one day at a time! I love you girl! :)

  5. What Jen said. Your feelings are totally legitimate, normal, and understandable. I hope you do feel better little by little.

  6. Sending you so much luck in 'Bama. You got this, girl.

    Your feelings are important and we are here for you no matter what. I love you, girl!

  7. This is your blog. Your sandbox. Your rules. Say what you need to say. What you want to say. You owe no apologies.

  8. You might feel funky but you don't smell funky cuz we don't sweat!! All jokes aside - Kim - you have to get through the rain before you can see the rainbow. Without pain - life would be boring and we'd never grow or change or heal or move on. Your heart will know when it's time to let go - no one else can set that timeline for you. You're learning more about yourself than you ever have before - and learning you can be strong and get through and reaching out is key. We're all here for you.

  9. Wishing you the best of luck on the interview and sending big hugs for the other stuff. Never apologize for your feelings and if you can't get 'em out here, then where?

    Write what you need to write and we'll be here for you.

  10. Totally understand your feelings. I often feel like no one gets me, what I am going through and the struggles going on in my mind on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. Blogging helps and knowing that there are others out there even if not physically near you is comforting as well. Best of luck to you.