I am in a funk. I hate that it seems like all I ever do is complain on this blog, but I am just getting my feelings out. There are things going on right now that I should be hopeful and happy about, but I just can't. I feel depressed. I hate feeling this way. All I want to do is cry.
Things with Joe are the same and I hate that. I want to move on but I feel like I can't. Everyone tells me that I have a choice to feel this way or not feel this way. It is so much harder that just turning a switch on and off. Why can't people understand that I don't like feeling like this? I don't want to cry all the time, I don't want to feel like staying in bed all day. If I had control of my depression I would choose not to feel this way, but I don't. I can't control the tears or the pain.
I am dealing with feelings about some friends back home. I wish I had the same relationship I had with them 10 years ago. I know people change and that relationships change, I get that. I guess I just knew where we stood with each other. If they don't want to be friends anymore, just let me know so I don't keep putting effort into the relationship.
Please know that I am writing this blog to get my feelings out there and to vent. Sometimes I feel like I have no one to talk too. I hate to be so cheesy, but sometimes I truly do feel alone in a crowded room. I say this because I don't want you to think I want sympathy from anyone. I am just typing what I feel.
Oh yea, I lost a follower today. Oh well there loss.
On a positive note, I went on an interview this morning and I think it went really, really well. Keep your fingers crossed I get this job!!