Where Do I Belong?

Lately I have been struggling with this question.  Where do I belong?  I am about to be 30, going through a divorce and living with my dad.  For the past 10 years I have been someones significant other.  I have had the security of that.  Now, where do I belong?  This question has been nagging at me lately a lot more than normal.  You see my dad and step-mom have some friends coming into town this weekend.  My step-mom wants them to stay at their house, no problem, except that I am staying in their guest room.  I feel like I am in the way.  Sometimes I honestly feel like she doesn't want me around.  Also, my dogs are a big issue for her.  I love my dogs to death, but they have some issues.  One is that neither is a lap dog.  Well, they want to be lap dogs, but they are 50 and 55 lbs respectively.  The other major issue is that Gracie, my oldest, is pretty protective of me and her "house".  Once you are in her "pack" it's all good in the hood, but she is not keen on new people and has no problem letting you know that through 1) barking 2) snarling 3) showing you her pearly whites!  Needless to say, my step-mom is not happy about this.  But I can't help it.  I did not choose to get a divorce and have to live with my dad.  I did not choose to keep the dogs (but I don't know what I would do without them either!)

It is also awkward when I am around my dad and step-moms friends because they all treat me like a child when I am 29.  I would like to be included in the conversation, so it's very awkward.  Most of the time I opt to stay home or "busy" myself with something so I don't have to go.  I just feel weird.  Where do I belong in that situation? 

I am not feeling sorry for myself or having a pity party.  I am simply trying to figure my life out right now.  I have found a new independence, but I have also found some serious confusion.   I am just trying to figure where I belong now. 

I am going to end this on a happy note.  Zumba started again tonight....yay!!  We had to take a week off as the instructor tore a ligament in her foot a couple weeks ago zumbaing it up in our class!!  It felt so good to get back at it!  I weighed myself today and I am down another 1.5 lbs!  I am trying really, really hard to make right food choices and getting enough protein.  I am drinking well over my required 64 oz of water each day, so that is not a worry. 

24 days until Chicago!!!  I can't wait!

Oh What a Sunday

My Sunday  has been a busy one.  It's been good and bad.  I've laughed and I've cried.  Let's start at the beginning shall we?

I get up this morning and start getting ready for church.  I had my outfit all picked out last night and was ready to go.  I look in my closet for my shoes and there it is.  The elusive dress.  I have had this dress for a few years now and obviously when I bought it fit great.  Over the years not so much.  However, this dress is in the back of my closet taunting me try it on every few months to see what's what.  So this morning it was yelling at me to try it on.  I try it on.  IT. FLIPPING. FITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (With spanx it fits, but that still totatlly counts!!)  It looks good, the girls are rockin' in this dress.  This makes me a very happy girl!!  I go to church and all is good with the world.

I leave church and run some errands with my dad and step-mom.  It quickly becomes the time I have to leave to meet Joe at the storage unit so he can get some stuff out.  We were supposed to meet yesterday but it was pouring rain, so we rescheduled for today.  I meet him and his dad there.  It was awkward, I am not going to lie.  I mean, how are you supposed to feel when your husband, soon to be ex, is taking some of his junk to his new apartment.  It was weird, but I got through without tears..yay!  I leave the storage place and decide to head on over to the new Target that opened up. Well, it's been open about a year, so it's still new.  They have a much better clothes and shoes selection than the Target by my house.  Glad I went baby!  I found a new pair of heels - see below and a shirt.  The shirt did not photograph well, but it's cute, trust me! 

I was happy the whole ride home and then I get a text from Joe.  He said that his dad was having chest pains and he may take him to the hospital.  It told him to keep me informed.  Got home, ate dinner, started watching tv and I get a call saying that he was in the ER and he asked me if I would come.  I am not going to be a bitch in this divorce.  I still care about him.  So I get back in the car and head downtown.  Half way there he calls crying that his dad is having a heart attack.  I mean come on!  So I finally make it to the hospital (very confusing, downtown B'ham is) and we wait.  Finally after about 30 minutes Joe finds out they are sending him to the cath lab.  We move upstairs and wait some more.  I finally told Joe that I had to leave but to keep me in the loop about his dad and I would check on him tomorrow. 

Whew...I am tired just typing it.  Oh, I think I forgot to mention that I have an interview tomorrow that I still have to prepare for.  I feel like a kid back in school cramming for a test, but I am cramming a whole website about this company!  Wish me luck!

Hello

I have not posted in a while because honestly there is not a whole lot going on with me right now.  I am trying to get through this divorce as best as I can.  I have ok days and not so ok days.  My family and friends have been amazing support for me and I am so grateful for them.  Tomorrow I am meeting him at our storage unit to divide stuff up.  I am praying that this goes well. 

I am SO excited about Chicago.  Honestly, it is a bright spot for me and I am really looking forward to it!  I have never been to Chicago, so I am looking forward to seeing anything and everything I can.  Kristen and I have talked and we plan on taking a million pictures!! 

Down 3

I am down 3 lbs this week.  This makes me a happy girl!

I have some concerns about Chicago.  I don't think I have the wardrobe for this trip.  I am kind of in between sizes right now.  My bottom is smaller than my top, so it's difficult to shop.  Dresses look weird on me.  Will I be a big nerd if I wear dress pants to dinner?  I think I am putting too much thought into this but I also don't want to be a schmuck either! 

I am happy with my progress thus far.  I mean I have to be, right?  I sure as hell don't want to be moving in the opposite direction!  I mean do I want to be down almost 100?  Yes.  Do I want to be smaller? Yes.  However, I know I am getting out of it what I put in it, so I am going to zumba my sweet butt thin!!  I am really surprised at myself honestly.  I think I posted about this before, but I'll say it again.  I really thought with me going through this divorce I would be shoving the food in my cake hole, but I haven't.  I have really been trying to be aware of what I'm eating and make the right choices.  Apparently it is paying off. 

20 days and counting

No, that is not the countdown to Chicago (I wish it was), but it is the countdown to the start of college football season!!!!!  Can you tell I'm excited?! 

Tonight I went to a dinner with my dad sponsored by a foundation called Circle of Champions.  It was started by a former Alabama player and basically they want to get an elective class in high schools on the Bible.  It would be an elective literature course.  Anyway, they ask former Alabama players to come and fans pay $75 to come and get signatures and have dinner with the players.  The UA cheerleaders come with Big Al for the kids.  They asked my dad and we went.  It was so much fun!  It is great to see my dad with his old teammates and friends! 

Me and Big Al

I can kind of see a difference in my face.  I think it looks thinner!  I am going to try and get some comparison pics up soon. 

I'm Here

I wanted to let ya'll know that I am alive and well.  I am reading everyone's blog, but not commenting like I should.  I'm sorry I'm being such a slacker.  I am just trying to take one day at a time. 

I am really excited about Chicago!!!  Kristen and I really want to take an architectural tour.  I have never been to Chitown so I want to do it all!!! 

Through all of this crap I am going through, I have been very proud of myself.  I would normally shove my piehole full of junk, but I am more determined than ever to lose this weight.  I have lost a few lbs, but it's my TOM right now so I am not going by the scale now. 

Thank you

I just want to say thank you to everyone for their support and encouraging words.  It means so much to me.  Everytime I read your comments it makes me feel so good to know that I have people who care.  I can't wait to meet some of ya'll in Chicago!!

Guess what?!

I bought my plane ticket for Chicago tonight!!  Kristen and I are flying in around noon on Friday. I am so excited!  I know this trip is something I need right now and I cannot wait!! 

One of the hardest posts

OK, this is not one of, but the hardest post I have ever had to write since I started this blog. 

I am getting divorced.  Do you know how heartbreaking that is too see in print?  Extremely hard. 

We have been having problems but I thought we could work through them.  We have been separated for the past couple of weeks to see if we could make it work.  We can't.  I am so extremely sad and heartbroken and just a wave of so many emotions, but deep down I know that it is the best thing for me and him.  I have realized that I deserve to be happy.  I never would have felt this way before, but something in me has changed.  I don't know what, but it has.  I am moving forward with my life to make it better. 

I am still planning on coming to Chicago.  I think I am really going to need this trip.  It is giving me something to look forward to.  I just hope that I can still swing it money wise, but I will try my best to.

Shopping and Rambling

I went over to Atlanta today and did some shopping.  The first stop was IKEA.  I love this store, however it was a complete mad house today.  I guess all the kids going off to college needed all their crap today!  Next I went to the Container Store.  This was the first time I had ever been into an actual store and LOVED it!!  I am an organizer and it was heaven for me.  Next was a quick trip into Target.  Now I have been to Target thousands of times, but this time was different.  I am on the hunt for some jeans as the jeans I own now are TOO BIG!!!!  Normally I get my jeans for Old Navy because I like their style and fit, but since I can't try them on in the store it's hit and miss with online ordering.  In Target today I decided to try on a pair.  They did not have the size I thought I would wear so I was bummed.  I decided what the heck I'll try on the next size down and guess what?!  They fit!!!  And they were on clearance, score!!! 

I think I am having a hard time with getting my head around my band still.  Monday was my one year band anniversary.  It was very bittersweet for me.  I am so happy that had this surgery and would not change it for the world.  However I am not anywhere near where I wanted to be a year out.  I realize this is my own fault, but I am hopefully on the right track.  I have been doing zumba for the past 2 weeks and walking on the days I have not been to zumba. 

I am not gonna lie to ya'll.  I am scared to come to Chicago.  I am not afraid of flying or travelling.  I am afraid that ya'll won't like me.  I can type out my feelings on here, but I really am shy in person.  I am afraid that I won't look good enough next to everyone.  This is purely my own insecurities coming out and not a reflection of you guys.  Right now my clothes are in limbo because I am changing sizes and I don't want to buy a lot.  I am really trying to just let go of these feelings and come have a good time.  I know I will, but this is how I am feeling right this moment. 

Chicago Shoes

I know I have not posted in over a week.  I'm a slacker, I know this.  I have just been going through alot.

I have been on the fence and not really sure, but I AM coming to Chicago!!!  I am very, very excited about this!!!  Kristen @ Kristen's Lap Band Journey and I are travelling and rooming together!!  I have never been to Chicago so I am really looking forward to it and to meeting all of ya'll. 

Yesterday while I was out I found the cutest pair of shoes!  I didn't buy them because I didn't know what I would wear them with and I really didn't have the money to spend on yet another pair of shoes.  So when I got home what did I find?  I coupon for $15 off of $15 for this store, so the shoes ended up costing $5!!  After Zumba last night I went back and bought the last pair in my size...yay!!  It is not something I would usually buy, but I thought Chi-town needed some sparkle from my feet!!!

I also want to thank Jen @ Jen's Lap Band Journey.  You are so sweet!!

Zumba Remix

I survived my first Zumba.  It. Was. AWESOME.  I loved it!!  Of course I felt like a fool because I didn't know the steps, but that's ok the lady in front of me looked liked she knew what she was doing so I just followed her.  There were about 120 women there and I stayed in the back because this fatty was not looking like an idiot, so I couldn't really see the instructors feet to well.  As long as I was moving I felt like it was good. 

I have not sweated that much since, well, I can't remember.  I was sweating like a whore in church.  I am looking at it like the more I sweat the more I am losing.  Not only do I have a sweat problem I have a slight redness problem.  Let me rephrase, a horrible redness problem.  My face turns just one shade below becoming Veruca Salt in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  It gets bad.  The poor lady beside kept looking over at me like please don't fall out, I don't know CPR.  At one point she asked if I had brought water.  No, I did not.  Lesson learned lady, thanks.  I will also be bringing a little towel so I can wipe the buckets of sweat off my face.  Here is a pic of the aftermath.

Notice the ring of sweat.  That is not even close to what it was in the class and right after.  This is an air conditioned ride home and after dinner picture.  And yes, my shirt says "Hate the Game, Not the Player".  I don't know how I acquired it, but it makes for a wonderful Zumba shirt!  

The classes are Tuesday and Thursday nights.  I am planning on going both nights.  I am asking that you all hold me accountable as I need to kick my losing into high gear. 

Zumba

Alright, in 45 min I will be shakin' my booty in my first Zumba class.  Is it considered a class?  Or just a gathering place of semi-coordinated dancers trying to shape up?  Anyway you look at it, I'm going tonight.  I am very excited!  They were having it Tuesday and I saw some people with the jingly skirt things, very cool!!  I will let ya'll know how it goes. 

In other good news today......I might have a job interview soon.  My step-mom is a nurse and the hospital she works for has an opening in their business office in the A/R dept.  I can do that!! She talked to HR today and they said to email my resume ASAP.  I mean it's not my dream job, but I will take what I can get right now as my cash cow is out to pasture and mama needs some new clothes and shoes! 

I got my hair cut today.  It was interesting.  I will post later.  I'm off to Zumba!!!!

Blizzards & Booties

My dad and I had lunch at DQ yesterday.   I know, I know not the best place to eat but we had to eat on the fly due to a meeting we had to get too.  As I was eating my chicken I happen to notice that they now make a mini blizzard.  It is wee small teeny tiny thing of goodness.  It is the perfect size for someone, not naming names, but me!!  I don't have the nutrition information, I don't know how much fat, calories or whatever.  All I know is that it is better than a small blizzard.  I don't eat them alot, but when I want one I know that there is a mini option out there! 

Alright, has anyone seen the commercial for this new product called "Booty Pop"?  It is a pair of underwear that has a bubble of some sort on the butt cheeks to enhance it.  When I first saw it I couldn't help but laugh.  I laughed because never in my entire life have I ever needed a booty enhancer!  Baby got back!  In the commercial they compared it to a push up bra, understandable right?  I put my thinking cap on (scary I know) and it's not really like a push up bra.  Just go with me on this....a push up bra pushes up what you already have.  When you take the bra off you still have your boobs, granted they are saggy balloons, but they are still there.  When you take off these panties, your "booty" is gone.  If you have a flat butt, you have a flat butt.  I just think it's funny! 

Hey Ya'll

Just wanted to say hi!  I know I am kind of random about posting about my band.....something this blog was supposed to be about!!  I am doing well with it.  Since my last fill I have lost 4 lbs.  Not too shabby!  I can really start to tell the loss in my fingers and toes.  So weird!! 

Kristen R - I am sorry I have not texted you back.  I am going to tomorrow and will explain everything.

I have a new follower...Mary Lou!!  She informed me that she too was married at Disney World.   It is truly the BEST place to get married.  I loved my wedding so much.   To answer your question Mary Lou, my reception was at the Boardwalk.  The wall papers do look the same!! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARY!!!

I think the title says it all, but I want to wish Mary a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!  I hope you have a wonderful day.  I am so glad we have become friends!!!

Alright Ya'll....

I know I have been slacking on commenting on blogs and posting.  I am going through something right now that is really hard.  I feel like I am being a bad person by not posting it, but I just can't right now.  Please know that I am still here and I love all ya'll.  Your support means the world to me.