Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Where Do I Belong?

Lately I have been struggling with this question.  Where do I belong?  I am about to be 30, going through a divorce and living with my dad.  For the past 10 years I have been someones significant other.  I have had the security of that.  Now, where do I belong?  This question has been nagging at me lately a lot more than normal.  You see my dad and step-mom have some friends coming into town this weekend.  My step-mom wants them to stay at their house, no problem, except that I am staying in their guest room.  I feel like I am in the way.  Sometimes I honestly feel like she doesn't want me around.  Also, my dogs are a big issue for her.  I love my dogs to death, but they have some issues.  One is that neither is a lap dog.  Well, they want to be lap dogs, but they are 50 and 55 lbs respectively.  The other major issue is that Gracie, my oldest, is pretty protective of me and her "house".  Once you are in her "pack" it's all good in the hood, but she is not keen on new people and has no problem letting you know that through 1) barking 2) snarling 3) showing you her pearly whites!  Needless to say, my step-mom is not happy about this.  But I can't help it.  I did not choose to get a divorce and have to live with my dad.  I did not choose to keep the dogs (but I don't know what I would do without them either!)

It is also awkward when I am around my dad and step-moms friends because they all treat me like a child when I am 29.  I would like to be included in the conversation, so it's very awkward.  Most of the time I opt to stay home or "busy" myself with something so I don't have to go.  I just feel weird.  Where do I belong in that situation? 

I am not feeling sorry for myself or having a pity party.  I am simply trying to figure my life out right now.  I have found a new independence, but I have also found some serious confusion.   I am just trying to figure where I belong now. 

I am going to end this on a happy note.  Zumba started again tonight....yay!!  We had to take a week off as the instructor tore a ligament in her foot a couple weeks ago zumbaing it up in our class!!  It felt so good to get back at it!  I weighed myself today and I am down another 1.5 lbs!  I am trying really, really hard to make right food choices and getting enough protein.  I am drinking well over my required 64 oz of water each day, so that is not a worry. 

24 days until Chicago!!!  I can't wait!


  1. You will figure it all out I know you will. The best part of getting divorces is you are in a position to choose where you belong-no compromises for a husband and the freedom to go or stay wherever you want. Dream big!! and go for it.


  2. I had to live at home as an adult after being on my own too. It is hard and confusing and all that stuff, but you will get through it. I like what Tina said about being able to choose where you belong. That's a good way to look at it! Hope things get better!

  3. I hear ya, after 18 years of marriage the first time, I had to live in another state with my parents and 4 kids with a new puppy. I worked my fanny of and got an apartment after about a month. Things will work out. Just imagine if you had kids too!

  4. Hang in there, it's a tough situation all the way around. At 40 my boys and my dog had to move in with my brother, twice...once for divorce and once for a hurricane. I'm glad your dad is close by so you have someplace to go. Things will work out, just concentrate on you and everything else will work out. BTW, sounds like you described my dogs, except they are a little smaller. Good luck!

  5. I hope things get better for you. I can't imagine the confusion you must feel. I'm glad your dad is there for you in that capacity.

    Congrats on the weight loss. I have been doing Zumba for a week now. Its fun but boy are my knees feeling it.

  6. Ugh...I feel for you, sweetness. Not that this is the same, but I remember moving back home after being at school, and I was a grown up and felt like I didn't belong back with my parents...it was awful. This too shall pass, angel, and I hope that soon it will be a distant memory.

  7. When my sister got divorced we worked hard to get her into a really nice apartment in a swank part of town. Even with the cool new digs she never unpacked and called it the "Den of Despair". I think it goes to show that no matter where you physically are right now, it is going to suck. BUT think to yourself that everyday it will get a little better.

  8. Lets hear it for all the ladies living at home with mommy and daddy!! WOOHOO!! I feel the same way as you do about living at home sometimes. But hey, its a lot cheaper, amen?!

    And congrats on the 1.5 pounds down! I have had a bad food day...aka had 2 cookies after my lunch and half of a blizzard from dairy queen! HA! Oh well...we live and we learn!

    Dinner...me and you...Sunday!!