Lately I have been struggling with this question. Where do I belong? I am about to be 30, going through a divorce and living with my dad. For the past 10 years I have been someones significant other. I have had the security of that. Now, where do I belong? This question has been nagging at me lately a lot more than normal. You see my dad and step-mom have some friends coming into town this weekend. My step-mom wants them to stay at their house, no problem, except that I am staying in their guest room. I feel like I am in the way. Sometimes I honestly feel like she doesn't want me around. Also, my dogs are a big issue for her. I love my dogs to death, but they have some issues. One is that neither is a lap dog. Well, they want to be lap dogs, but they are 50 and 55 lbs respectively. The other major issue is that Gracie, my oldest, is pretty protective of me and her "house". Once you are in her "pack" it's all good in the hood, but she is not keen on new people and has no problem letting you know that through 1) barking 2) snarling 3) showing you her pearly whites! Needless to say, my step-mom is not happy about this. But I can't help it. I did not choose to get a divorce and have to live with my dad. I did not choose to keep the dogs (but I don't know what I would do without them either!)
It is also awkward when I am around my dad and step-moms friends because they all treat me like a child when I am 29. I would like to be included in the conversation, so it's very awkward. Most of the time I opt to stay home or "busy" myself with something so I don't have to go. I just feel weird. Where do I belong in that situation?
I am not feeling sorry for myself or having a pity party. I am simply trying to figure my life out right now. I have found a new independence, but I have also found some serious confusion. I am just trying to figure where I belong now.
I am going to end this on a happy note. Zumba started again tonight....yay!! We had to take a week off as the instructor tore a ligament in her foot a couple weeks ago zumbaing it up in our class!! It felt so good to get back at it! I weighed myself today and I am down another 1.5 lbs! I am trying really, really hard to make right food choices and getting enough protein. I am drinking well over my required 64 oz of water each day, so that is not a worry.
24 days until Chicago!!! I can't wait!