Up.....In not such a good way

*Disclaimer - some might find this post gross, proceed with caution

For the past week I have been having problems keeping my food down.  I had my last fill on 1/11 and was just fine after I had gotten it.  I am making a huge effort to take small bites and eat very slow.  I am also not drinking while I eat because this is a sure fire way to get stuck.  But for the past week it seems like everything I eat wants to come back up.  I eat a few bites and have run and bring it back up.  What is the deal?  Did anyone else go through this? 

Mixed Emotions Tuesday

So today was just full of mixed emotions.  I was so excited this morning that my pants are too big, but when I started eating my breakfast (oatmeal) I couldn't keep anything down.  So that was a bummer.  Then I tried to eat something this afternoon and same thing, nothing would stay down.  I am one of those people that if I get stressed or anxious abou something my stomach is knots, so I am not sure if that is my problem or what.  I am super stressed at work and home and anxious about getting a house soon.  And my stupid scale is not working right....but pants are too big, yay!

Sad day for my pants.....

Today will be the last time I wear a pair of my work pants.  Moment of silence please.  Why do you ask?  Because they are too big!!  Too. Big.  That is amazing to me!  Just wanted to share.  I hope everyone has a great Tuesday!

Scale Help

So my scale sucks blue whale.  I have to step on it 47 times for it to actually tell me my weight.  I step on it and the screen goes blank, I step on it again and the screen goes blank.  I think you get the picture.  I called the company and they said it just may be sensitive and has to be on complete level ground.  I call bull crap.  So every time I get on the scale and it goes blank, I get off move it a nano inch and step again.  I go through this process until the princess scale is exactly on level ground.  Now one would think that logic states if I move it to the exact spot for it to read I can just step on it again in same spot and it work, right?  Nope, it doesn't.  So I am getting a new scale.  Any suggestions?  I have read some pretty good reviews about the WW scale. 

Thanks Ladies!

Good Things

Things are looking up.  Joe and I had a great day today looking at houses.  The first couple were duds, but the last one was awesome!  We loved it.  It's move in ready and in a great neighborhood.   I am finally getting some good restriction on my band and losing weight at a good rate.  Yep, things are looking up. 

Random things about me

We have all gotten the emails or notes on FB "getting to know you".  Well, I thought I would let ya'll get to know me!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:24
2. How do you like your steak? medium-rare, but I don't really eat it anymore
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Sherlock Holmes
4. What is your favorite TV show? Chuck, House, Nip/Tuck, Project Runway
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?  somewhere in the mountains
6. What did you have for breakfast? nothing
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian
8. What foods do you dislike? Seafood
9. Favorite place to eat?  Jim n' Nicks
10. Favorite dressing? ranch
11. What kind of vehicle do you drive?  Dodge Durango
12. What are your favorite clothes?  comfy jeans and t shirt
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Italy
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? depends on the day
15. Where would you want to retire?  not sure
16. Favorite time of day? at night
17. Where were you born?  Tuscaloosa, AL
18. What is your favorite sport to watch?  college football, especially the Crimson Tide....RTR
19. Bird watcher?  sometimes
20. Are you a morning person or a night person? night person
21. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?  Joe and I are looking at houses to buy.....that's exciting to me!
22. What did you want to be when you were little?  according to my pre-school papers, a garbage man, I don't know why. 
23. What is your best childhood memory?   wow....just have to pick one?  I have alot.  I guess I would have to say spending time with my parents before they got divorced.  We always had so much fun with whatever we did.
24. Are you a cat or dog person?  we have both, but I guess I tend to lean more towards dogs
25. Are you married? yes
26. Always wear your seat belt?  99% of the time
27. Been in a car accident? Yes
28. Any pet peeves? one uppers....you know the people that try and top whatever you are saying
29. Favorite Pizza Toppings?  bbq
30. Favorite Flower?  I think they are called antique roses.....so pretty
31. Favorite ice cream?  red velvet from publix
32. Favorite fast food restaurant?  I guess chick-fil-a......I haven't been in a long time
33. How many times did you fail your driver's test? zero
34. From whom did you get your last email? my grandma
35. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? ikea
36. Do anything spontaneous lately? nope
37. Broccoli?  nope
38. What was your favorite vacation?  well....with my dad it was Europe, with my mom it was the mountains in TN
39. Last person you went out to dinner with? Joe
40. What are you listening to right now?  some car thing Joe is watching on tv
41. What is your favorite color? probably red or blue
42. How many tattoos do you have? zero.
43. Coffee drinker? nope

Thank You

I want to thank you guys for showing the love and following my blog.  When I started this blog I really didn't think anyone would care to read it, but I was wrong!  It means so much to know that you are going through or about to go through the same thing.  Thank you for the love and support. 

Have a great Saturday!

Yea for Shoes

I left work a few minutes early tonight, shhh....don't tell anyone!  I was on my way to pick up Joe from work.....side note - we are down to one car which sucks blue whale, that means I have to take and pick Joe up from work - anyway, since I left work a few min early I had some extra time before he got off work.  A brand spanking new supert Target opened up just down the road from his work and it was calling my name.  I went in just to kill some time and then I saw that a bunch of shoes were on sale....yea!  I have been looking for a pair of black wedges.  I have found them in stores, but unfortunately being overweight makes my feet fat too.  When I try on a 10 they are too tight and when I go up to an 11 they are too big.  It has been frustrating to say the least.  So I found a really cute pair at Target in a 10 but didn't really want to try them on because I knew they would be too tight.  But I am a glutton for punishment, so I tried them on they fit!  I am so happy that my feet are getting thinner.

Delusional

Can you believe that back in the day I thought I was a heifer in this picture?!  Oh how I wish I could be that size now, but I know I will get back there soon!  

You've Got a Friend in Me

My husband and I moved from FL to B'ham, AL in 2005.  I had alot of friends in FL and I always had plans on the weekends.  Since we have moved up here I am having problems making good girlfriends.  I have friends at work and we go out to lunch and I have one friend that we do stuff out of the office, but not like the kind I had in FL.  Unfortunately, I know a lot of it has to do with my weight and being self conscience.  I really am an outgoing person, but I think I have let my weight hold me back.  I am excited at the thought of getting out there more and getting back to my old self. 

And.....so glad tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!

Brain, meet stomach....Stomach, meet brain

I am not sure how my brain and stomach just cannot hook up!   It seems as though they are on two different bodies.  I had to run out at lunch today to the library and a co-worker asked if I would stop and pick something up for lunch for her.  I called her as I was leaving the library and told her I was passing by 2 or 3 different fast food places.  Don't panic...I didn't get anything at Arby's, oh how I wanted too, but I didn't.  Instead I went into the pig (that would be the Piggly Wiggly for ya'll not from the south) to get a salad.  I was really wanting chicken salad.  As I was standing in front of the salad selections picking out some chicken salad a nice sweet old lady told me that the pea salad was very good.  So now I am holding a small container of chicken salad and pea salad. As I was walking away her husband (at least I assume it was, very sweet as well) said oh no, you need to try the ham salad.  So instead of putting something back or just saying no, Fatty McButterpants Kim decided to get them all.  Now I have no intentions of eating it all, but I thought I would try at least a little bit of each and take rest home.  Now that I am back in the office and had about 4 bites of the chicken salad and 1 bite of the pea salad, I am not hungry.  Why, oh why can't I just say no to food?  I mean do I think that I will never eat again?  I have put the rest of my salads in the fridge here at work and will eat on them for days at home, but why did I need to buy them all?  Get with it brain and stomach!

Freaking Out

I am just having a crappy morning and it does not help that I am freaking out about my band.  I don't know, I don't have any symptoms and I am losing weight, but I am freaking out about my band slipping for some reason.  Or that I have stretched out my stomach and I am not going to lose any significant weight.  I don't know if it all goes back to me feeling like this is going to fail like all of the other diets I have tried.

Just a bad day so far and it's only 9:46......

Are you KIDDING ME?!?!

I am one of those weird people that take their showers at night....I have recently learned that a lot people find that weird, but whatever.   I was in the bathroom about to get in the shower and I looked over and saw my lonely, sad scale looking at me just saying come on, step on me, you know you want too.  I'm a sucker so I stepped on and guess what?!?  In 8 days, my last fill was on 1/11/10, I have lost 10 lbs.  Yep, that is not a typo.....10 flipping pounds!!!  I am so excited!!  This is the most I have lost at one time.  This has motivated me so much.  I really feel like my band is where it is supposed to be fill wise.  Yea!! :)   

Ya'll thought it was going to be bad from the title, didn't you?! :)

When did I think I can turn to I know I can? Well I will tell you.....

So this weekend I think was a turning point for me.  My husband is Italian and pasta is at least a once a week thing in our house.  When we first got married I learned how to make all his favorites from his mom.....I know, huge shoes to fill!   For a long time I also thought I had to eat like Joe.  Back to this weekend......my aunt was visiting from out of town and we all met over at my dads house.  I volunteered to make baked ziti, a family favorite.  Once we all sat down to eat, I was not that hungry.  I put just a Blackberry size portion (I couldn't come up with a better reference right now) on my plate and maybe ate 1/2 of it.  Before I would have eaten twice that.  I can now go almost all day without eating.  I have to force myself to eat a little during the day.    I know that my surgery was 5 months ago, but I think I am just now starting to reap the benefits.  I am so excited!  I am excited about the possibilites, I am excited about getting healthy.

My mom lives in FL and I don't get to see her nearly enough.  My dad and I drove down so he could spend time with Mamaw and Papaw (his mom and dad) and I could spend new years with my mom.   I was kind of discouraged while I was down there because I felt like I let my family down because I had not lost a lot of weight and I think my stepdad and mom were expecting huge results.  I say all this because my new goal is to lose at least 35 lbs by May 22nd.  Why May 22nd you ask?  It is my little brothers high school graduation and I am flying down for it.  I want my family to see a difference in me.  All of my brothers friends find me hilarious because I make them laugh as the funny fat sister.  My brother has never said anything but great things to me, but I feel like sometimes he is ashamed of me.  I don't want to be his old fat sister anymore, I want him to be proud of me.   I know it's not a huge goal, but if I lose more GREAT!!!  I am starting to tell myself I know I can instead of I think I can....that is a major step to me at least!! :)

The Biggest Loser....

What is my problem?  I have had the band for a little over 5 months now and I feel like the biggest loser and I don't mean in the good way like the people losing an amazing amount of weight on tv.  I am feeling really depressed lately.  I don't know if its the stress of work, the stress at home or a combination of both, but I am feeling blah.  Why is it so hard for me to get off my lazy heiny and exercise?   I bought a Biggest Loser DVD with the best of intentions on doing it at least 3 nights a week after work, but I think I have done it maybe 3 times period.  I am not making excuses, but it is really hard when you live with someone who is not very supportive or into it.  I have the best of intentions on my way home and then when I walk in the door my husband is like let's eat dinner first and then I'll help you with the dishes and after you start laundry you can exercise.  Gee thanks.    I mean in my mind I know it's what I need to do, but I don't.  I know it's my own fault and I am the only one who can change it, yeah  yeah, I know all that.  I think I am also feeling a little embarrassed.  I think I am letting people down when I don't lose weight like they think I should.   I keep telling myself that I am doing this for me, not anyone else.  I shouldn't care what other people think....why is that so hard for me?  Why do I need people to like me so much?  Why do I feel the need to people please all the time?   Just some things I am going to work on for the new year.

Also, completely random.  I am so paranoid that I have completely ruined my surgery and have stretched out my stomach.  I don't know why, but this is a huge fear of mine.  Once again, thinking that I am not good enough to have this surgery and to be happy.  I mean, how hard is it to stretch out your stomach above the band?!  I am just crazy talk today I guess.....so glad it's the weekend.

Thank you Captain Obvious

I know I'm fat.  Why do people feel the need to keep reminding me of it all the time?  I wake up every morning just hoping that when I go in the bathroom and look in the mirror while brushing my teeth I will miraculousy have become skinny.  Of course this never happens.  The point is, I see it everyday that I am fat.  The little comments that people make to "help" me try and kick start my weight loss don't really help.  In fact they make me feel even worse.  I can't run from being fat so I don't need a constant reminder all the time that you are skinny and I am fat.

And what is the deal with people criticizing me for getting gastric band surgery?!  Of course the people who have negative things to say about it are skinny.  These are the same people that choose to complain to me about "being so fat" because they ate 1 too many cashews at lunch.  You are not getting any sympathy from me.  I may be smiling and telling you it's ok, but please know that in my mind I am rolling my eyes at you, you big heifer!  If I could wiggle my nose like Samantha on Bewitched and be skinny I would.  I have struggled for 29 years with my weight.  I have tried diet after diet with no success.  I would lose some weight but after one slip up gaining it all back plus some.  They tell me that I took the easy way out by getting surgery.  You can keep thinking that skinny, but this Fatty McButterpants doesn't think so.  I think that I made a decision to get my life back, to get my health back and get my self esteem back.

Sorry - such a simple word yet so difficult.....

Sorry can be such a hard word.  Why is it that it is so hard for me to say sorry to my husband for something genuine but easy peasy for me to say it to a total stranger when I didn't do anything but simply exist?  I am having hard time with this simple word - sorry.  I know it all goes back to my low self esteem and not thinking I am good enough, but I am really trying hard to change that.  I find myself saying sorry to everyone for the littlest things.  You don't feel well today...sorry.  Like it's my fault you caught a cold!  I am typing and my keyboard is too loud....sorry.  I can't control my keyboard people!!  I am good enough dang it.  I am going to learn when it is appropriate - when I freak out when I can't find my keys and accuse my husband of taking them but they are in my purse and when it's not - the kids across the street write all over my driveway (without asking) with sidewalk chalk and I have to drive over their picture to park. 

My "Green Zone"

I had my band adjusted on Monday and I think I have finally hit my "green zone".  Every Dr. office and company I am sure calls it something different, but this is where your band is giving you the optimum amount of restriction for weight loss.  Right after surgery I was having a hard time with not losing weight immediately.  I mean I lost some but in my mind I was expecting big things.  I have since realized that with the band surgery vs. gastric bypass my stomach was pretty much the same size for 6 weeks after surgery until my first adjustment.  Since my first adjustment I have definitely seen changes, but nothing like I feel now.  I was only able to eat 2 crackers and some apple slices for lunch today and I felt so full when I was done.  I could have probably not eaten the last 2 apple slices and been perfectly happy....still working on the mental part of changing my eating habits.  But this is very exciting!  I am so happy to be in my "zone"!! 

The Beginning

I can't exactly pinpoint the exact moment I realized that I was fat.  Growing up I always felt different from girls may age, I was taller and developed earlier than most but I wouldn't classify myself as "fat", just slightly overweight - something I thought could change at anytime.  Of course I never made that change so that is how I ended up Fatty McButterpants.  This is a name I have given myself, no one has ever called me that, at least not to my face!  I am one of those people with the self deprecating sense of humor and make a joke out of being fat.  I am not saying it's healthy for my self esteem, but it's what I do.  I feel that if I make a joke about my weight before anyone else can, than they will just forget about it.  I am the funny fat girl. Over time I just realized that I was getting bigger and bigger.  I know what you're thinking....why don't you just stop!  But if you are an overweight person you understand that it is so much easier said than done.  I felt bad about being fat, so ate, the more I ate the bigger I got.  I know it's cliche, but it is vicious cycle.  But that is changing!  I had the REALIZE gastric band surgery on August 10, 2009 and I am saying goodbye to Fatty McButterpants once and for all! 

I am brand spanking new to blogging but decided to do this blog after reading some very inspirational blogs regarding the band surgery.  I know there are a lot people who have had this surgery but I felt like I was all alone on this journey.  I even have a close family member who had the surgery and thought it would be the same, but it's different for everyone.  I hope that my journey can help someone make the choice to get the band.  It was and has been the best decision I have made!