Friday, January 15, 2010

The Biggest Loser....

What is my problem?  I have had the band for a little over 5 months now and I feel like the biggest loser and I don't mean in the good way like the people losing an amazing amount of weight on tv.  I am feeling really depressed lately.  I don't know if its the stress of work, the stress at home or a combination of both, but I am feeling blah.  Why is it so hard for me to get off my lazy heiny and exercise?   I bought a Biggest Loser DVD with the best of intentions on doing it at least 3 nights a week after work, but I think I have done it maybe 3 times period.  I am not making excuses, but it is really hard when you live with someone who is not very supportive or into it.  I have the best of intentions on my way home and then when I walk in the door my husband is like let's eat dinner first and then I'll help you with the dishes and after you start laundry you can exercise.  Gee thanks.    I mean in my mind I know it's what I need to do, but I don't.  I know it's my own fault and I am the only one who can change it, yeah  yeah, I know all that.  I think I am also feeling a little embarrassed.  I think I am letting people down when I don't lose weight like they think I should.   I keep telling myself that I am doing this for me, not anyone else.  I shouldn't care what other people think....why is that so hard for me?  Why do I need people to like me so much?  Why do I feel the need to people please all the time?   Just some things I am going to work on for the new year.

Also, completely random.  I am so paranoid that I have completely ruined my surgery and have stretched out my stomach.  I don't know why, but this is a huge fear of mine.  Once again, thinking that I am not good enough to have this surgery and to be happy.  I mean, how hard is it to stretch out your stomach above the band?!  I am just crazy talk today I glad it's the weekend.


  1. You know, sometimes I wish Tracey DIDNT want to workout with me so much. If I didnt have to worry about him I would do Zumba all the time and probably would have joined a gym by now! Dvd's at home just dont last. I have one of Jillians and we did for like a week! You need to try a class of some kind. DO NOT worry about being the biggest person there...bc I know you probably are and don't want to go until you lose some more. I wish we could do one together. There were people of all shapes and sizes at Zumba last night. I just love classes though bc I dont get bored and time goes by quickly. But if you dont want to do that, just walk. Thats how I started.

    And screw the skinny people who judge about surgery. They also say things like "well if you just ate less". Would they say to an addict "well, if you just hit the crack pipe a little less?" NO. They dont understand and that is that.

    What does your food look like? Meaning, how much can you eat? What are you eating? How about water?

    My parents live in Scottsboro,so we drive through Birm quite a bit! We will meet one day! And I am glad you started this blog and you are FOR SURE not alone!


  2. Thank you Amy!! That is exactly how I feel when I have been to a gym or class before. I was so consumed with what people were thinking about me than excercising.

    Well, since last Monday my food portions are much smaller. My doctor is not very aggressive with fills, so it has taken me a while to get where I feel a good bit of restriction. I think I am making pretty good food choices, lots of fruit and veggies, staying away from breads. Since my surgery I have not had one soda. And that is HUGE for me, I am a huge Coke addict. For some reason I have this fear that the carbonation is going to blow up my pouch and screw up my band. I know its crazy, but that's what I think. I drink TONS of water during the day at work.

    I would love to meet up when you come through B'ham sometime!

  3. My nutritionist (the one that leads the support group where I was banded)told me last week that until I have restriction I will only stretch my pouch if I really over-do it. She said that you would have to eat enough food, fast enough for the food to block the stoma (your band). At that point you would then have to eat enough to fill up your pouch (which is probably between a quarter cup and a half cup) before you could risk stretching it. She also said that if eat and there is no pain - you aren't stretching anything.

    I panicked a lot because I thought I was eating way too much food (like one to two cups at some meals). She said it was normal at first and as I got more restriction I would be able to eat less...

  4. Thanks Tracy...that makes me feel better! I do not have any pain when I eat. I get a little over paranoid sometimes, at least according to my husband and dad!

  5. Kim,

    First off, don't worry about the male co-worker losing faster than you! Men almost always lose faster than women, & it just isn't fair! But it will even out over time!

    Secondly, I know how hard it is to exercise! I have some Spinal problems, etc & any exercise was a killer to me. But luckily, my DH who is very supportive of me, MADE me get out & start walking within days of Surgery.

    At first it killed me, but now I am up to 2 miles & this is without my walker. And at least half of the walk is uphill!! So, just get out & get started, it WILL get easier, I promise. I just wish that I lived near you so I could go walking with you.


  6. Aww....thanks Debi! I wish you could go walking with me too. I feel so bad when my husband gets home to ask him to walk with me. I know he is tired, so I am just going to hook up old iPod and get at it myself.