That is what I have been pondering lately?
I have very low self-esteem. I am a very sensitive person but this has gotten better as I have gotten older. I am also working on my self-esteem. I know that I can be outgoing and fun but I think it's really hard for me when my outside does not match my insides. On the inside, I feel cute and outgoing and fun, but on the outside I am fat and not so cute. I know that this surgery will help with this, but I am worried at times that I still won't be able to see it. My family tells me all the time that I am funny, but am I funny because I am the funny fat girl or because I am really a funny person?
I want to dress better. As we all know there is not a lot of "cute" big girl clothes out there and that upsets me. I always feel like I am dressed sloppily. I try and pull off what I think is nice looking, but always end up looking not put together. I want to look how I feel. I am so self-conscious about how I look. I wish I could be one of those people that just didn't give a rip and be myself, but I alas I am not. It is a problem for me. I worry about what other people are thinking of me it has held me back so much in my life. It is something that I am constantly worrying about. I always think people are judging me on how I look and not me. Honestly, that is why there are no pictures of me on my blog or numbers. I am too scared of what everyone will think of me. Isn't that crazy?!
I am hopeful though that I won't be like this forever.